Vulnerability is something that many men, including myself, struggle with. It’s hard, and it can be scary, but it’s vital in developing and maintaining deep and authentic relationships. Here’s why.
To be vulnerable is to put yourself in a position, through your words or actions, where others can hurt you and trusting that they won’t. It takes vulnerability to foster trust and connection in groups, whether that be in academia or the workplace.
It also takes vulnerability to ask for help when you need it, and at some point we all need help—help with our classes, financial help, mental-health help.
Despite how much we may try, none of us can do it all alone. Life isn’t meant to be done alone. Life is meant to be lived fully, with family who love you, friends you can share your problems with, and, if you’re lucky, someone you can be your truest self with.
Emotional walls are built up, gradually over time, as a result of our lived experiences. We might think that they protect us, and to an extent they do, but these walls often do more harm than good. You see, walls work two ways—when you build them to protect yourself it keeps out things that can hurt you but it also locks out things that can heal you. If something gets through that hurts you then you have no way to deal with it.
The issues that you’re dealing with will stay inside of your head unless you deal with them, and the only way to deal with the things inside of your head is to get them out. Walls prevent that; vulnerability encourages it.
The act of vulnerability is a courageous one. Maybe you’ve been burned before, or you’ve never let anyone get too close, but what’s the point of living if you’re always alone, even when you’re with others?
This year, I’m challenging myself—and you—to be vulnerable with someone trustworthy. It can be a friend, family member, or significant other. It might be scary—I was scared to do this in the past—but the rewards and connection you’ll receive from true vulnerability far outweigh the things that scare you.
To be vulnerable is to be human. Happy New Year.