Welcome to Croglin is a short play produced by Victoria theatre company Outpost 31 and presented through the Fringe Festival. Written by David Elendune, it tells of a struggling playwright who falls asleep and dreams that the ghost of Katharine Hepburn visits him to “right his wrongs,” according to the production’s description. While I’m not sure what wrongs were righted, I certainly know what wrongs were written, as the production, which I hesitate to call a play, flails through a meandering 55 minutes of monologues and diatribes, unfunny jokes, and shallow philosophical ramblings without ever once approaching anything that could be considered a plot.
Christina Patterson plays a vague approximation of Hepburn in her 50s, and, for what it’s worth, I could see a passing resemblance in her performance to televised interviews of Hepburn later in her life. She was brash, candid, and unapologetic, a characteristic Hepburn became famous for. Regardless of this illusion, Hepburn’s voice is merely a mouthpiece for Elendune, who riddles the script with modern cultural references that rarely existed before 2020.
The playwright, portrayed by Jared Gowen, offers a rather wooden depiction of an overwrought artist. Despite having a few vulnerable lines that were meant to humanize the character, the performance was not nuanced enough to create an emotional response in the audience. I can hardly fault Gowen for this, however, as the script barely lights upon any semblance of depth in his character for more than a few seconds. Before the audience can develop any kind of connection with the character, the reins are yanked violently back to jumping from one non-sequitur diatribe to the next, with productive dialogue instead usurped by tedious monologues from one character (usually Hepburn), while the other stares blankly on.
The content comes across as either unprofound or unoriginal, one example being a monologue about the hardships of women that seemed uncannily similar to the recent Barbie movie. Still others reminded me of the sort of highfalutin philosophical waxing that one might expect to hear from their overly intoxicated uncle as he follows a straight line about as accurately as a slalom skier.
As far as plot goes, there is literally none to speak of. Nothing happens. For nearly an hour, the two characters trade opinions with as much narrative throughline as scrolling through TikTok videos, frequently interspersed with something that could pass for humour in a kind of ’90s sitcom sort of way.
While Elendune has won several awards for prior work, in this case I think I can let his own writing speak for itself, with the most ironically apropos line of the play, which went something like this:
“It’s quite hard, isn’t it, this writing business?”
“As hard as Chuck Norris on Viagra!”
Victoria Fringe Festival
Until Sunday, September 1
Various times, dates, and venues
intrepidtheatre.com/festivals/fringe-festival