Loneliness, boredom, cabin fever: social distancing is proving difficult for many of us. As we protect ourselves and others from COVID-19 by staying home, it’s easy to feel like we’re floating somewhere in the void, nocturnal, “real life” but a fogged memory. There are lots of lists out there talking about how to cope with being inside but let’s get real: “Binging on Netflix” and “Set up virtual hangs!” is so late-March 2020. It’s April now, so let’s do this: here’s are four ways to cope with your new way of life.
1. Try to get into “cooking”
Other lists have said this, but they seem to assume that we all have some interest in cooking. At this point, “cooking” is about survival. Since eating out is a no-go, and most grocery stores are ravaged warzones whose shoppers are forced to undertake the Hero’s Journey, lots of people are getting creative with whatever’s in the fridge. Go ahead, make a weird pasta dish with all your condiments mixed together! Finally get to cooking that oatmeal in your cupboard you’ve been avoiding! Eat a cake mix cake for dinner! Look inside a cookbook for once!
2. Practice talking to yourself
Talking to yourself, out loud, is one of the most underrated pastimes there is. It’s really easy to feel lonely nowadays, so when there’s nobody around to talk to, talk to the person who’s always there—yourself! You might be surprised at the interesting things you have to say, and you may learn something about yourself. But, if for some reason you’ve been avoiding a particularly difficult conversation with the reflection in the mirror, you can always talk to your pets. If they don’t seem to understand, try communicating psychically. Houseplants could work, too.
3. Do something drastic to your appearance
Social isolation comes with a certain sigh of relief—you’re no longer subjected to the torture that is being observed! Although you’re trapped in your home, you’re more free than ever to make a change to your look. If you’ve ever had the urge to shave or bleach your eyebrows, cut bangs, or experiment with makeup, now is the time to do it. If you hate it, you’ll have plenty of time to reverse whatever mistake you made. Wear the outfits you’re afraid to wear in public, and do it shamelessly. Screw it—grow out your leg hair and shave a pentagram into it with an electric razor. Now’s the time, baby. I know you want to.
4. Build a toilet paper shrine
I’m sure that some of you, if you’re lucky, have accrued enough toilet paper to build a small fort on your porch, or even two across from each other, so you can hide inside of one and imagine that your friend is in the other one (that is, if you can remember what their face looks like). However, a great way to give thanks for your abundance is to craft a shrine out of the rolls you’ve been blessed with. It’s even more fun to build them in front of your window so you can compare your hoard with your neighbour’s, like dragons on their respective piles of gold on opposing mountaintops. Decorate your shrine with canned beans and hand sanitizer!