When I think of addiction, I sometimes see a rat running on a track inside my brain. This is, of course, a metaphor, but, in fact, our brains are wired into what might be thought of as “tracks,” some more trodden than others.
These networks of neurons can be created, destroyed, strong, or weak. The more we use a certain pathway, the easier it is to use, or, the stronger it is. This is not always a bad thing, but when it comes to addiction, it is.
I am a recovering sex and love addict, and I’ve recently ended a relationship with a man I was seeing for a few months. For me, part of the addictive pattern is to try to go back and restore the relationship, whether I wanted it to end or not. In other words, I have a strong tendency to fall into a pattern for trying to ease my own pain through various unhealthy external means, such as the one mentioned above.
This is a deeply grooved neural pathway that I can “fall” back into. It’s a long-time pattern. It’s experienced as compulsive action, and it was formed as a result of loss, trauma, and pain in my early life.
I am working—with the support of others—against this pattern at the moment so I don’t end up back in a relationship that is not quite working, only to have to end it again, or have the other party end it.
Our current global situation with COVID-19 is challenging, for some more than others. Those who are directly affected by the virus are, of course, suffering. But even those of us indirectly affected through loss of work and/or sudden social isolation might be extremely uncomfortable, or even in pain, as many of us are forced to change our patterns.
I am not making a statement about whether this pandemic is a good thing or not. I would like to point out, however, that it is forcing many people to operate differently, which requires that we use different neural pathways, just as an addict has to do in order to, say, not reach out to someone they just broke up with when the pattern or pull to do so is so strong.
In short, what I’m saying is that we are all addicts, to a greater or lesser extent. We’re addicted to shopping, eating, drinking, gossiping, drugs, technology, validation, sex, work, even thinking. We are stuck in many well-trodden neural pathways that are not good for us or for others.
We all want to escape ourselves, and our pain, to some extent. Sometimes, though, it is better to be uncomfortable and to allow changes to take place.
I believe addiction, or compulsive action, is at the heart of many of our personal and societal problems. You may not be a sex and love addict, or an alcoholic; maybe you are. In any case, take this opportunity to embrace the interruption in your usual coping mechanisms and strategies for escapism. If you can, be present. Be still. If you can cease trying to ease your own discomfort through your usual strategies to distract yourself—even a little bit—you will find yourself emerged from this challenge a stronger, more self-contained individual.