I finished last issue’s column talking about when I had found my calling: to be a rock-star chef. This self-obsessed, ego-driven lifestyle was further encouraged by copious amounts of drugs and alcohol, readily available because everyone wanted to be friends with the guy who cooks their meals.
I attained my first chef position at age 23, and at that time I had absolutely no idea how to actually run a kitchen successfully. Granted, I did have the talent necessary when it came to cooking, which is why my rise to management always seemed to be faster than I could learn. I did not have the skills to do the job, but I had the charisma and charm to fool just about anyone into believing I could do so.
Here I found just how stressful this industry could be. When you show promise, they want it all. Not only did this restaurant make me the chef, but when their bar manager was fired I ended up taking on that position as well, despite the fact that I had never bartended once in my life.
So I was working every morning, opening the kitchen at 6 am and prepping until my other cooks came in; then I would go work behind the bar until close at 12 am, with an hour break in there somewhere. I was making about $200 in tips a night on top of my wage, and the only way to maintain the energy and a somewhat positive outlook on life was through drugs and alcohol.
This is the part that absolutely blows my mind: not one person ever called me out for my lack of sleep, the poor mental health I exhibited, the terrible choices I was making to just struggle through the day. Not only was this expected of me from others, but I also expected this behaviour of myself and wholeheartedly believed that this was just what you did in this industry.
No one told me otherwise; I’m not sure I would have believed them if they had.
I am grateful to say that I survived the industry and am now clean and sober. Not everyone is as lucky, and although there are a lot of restaurants and pubs that still operate like this, there is an upswing of positive role models sharing their stories of a drug- and drink-free lifestyle within this industry.
My one hope is that there are many more to follow.