It’s coming, and it’s inevitable—like grey hairs or the apocalypse, Valentine’s Day is fast approaching.
Now, I’m not going to dump on people who are into the holiday, nor am I going to defend that the reason it’s pointless is because it’s a greeting-card company holiday made to pump money into the economy after the post-Christmas slump of January (even though it kinda is), nor am I going to be bitter and cynical and say the best part of the holiday is judging people’s mushy social media posts—but, come on, Valentine’s Day is kinda bullshit.
For many years I held this stance—mostly when I was single and my other single girlfriends and I would get together, watch horror movies, and eat gummy bears in a “single ladies” slumber party, celebrating our independence. But, even when I’m firmly in a relationship, I must admit (much to my partner’s delight) that I’m not really that into it.
That being said, the reality is I will do my hair and makeup, put on fuck-me pumps and a dress, and go out to dinner with my boyfriend on February 14, and be irritated if he doesn’t get me flowers (even though I always say I would way rather flowers on a random Tuesday in November “just because” than a dozen roses on Valentine’s Day).
The reality is also that six weeks into the semester, I can guarantee we would both rather be at home eating Skip the Dishes and watching Friends than dragging our butts out because we’re in a relationship and that’s what people in relationships do on Valentine’s Day.
But why? I find many people either a) cave to the pressure or b) have a hipster “we’re above it” attitude when it comes to Valentine’s Day. I also know many people who hate V-Day because of the pressure it puts on them, people who love it because it’s a day to express their feelings and get all mushy, and people with three kids who are too exhausted to fuck, let alone celebrate the beautiful mushiness of their relationship.
So, why do we do this to ourselves? The answer, folks, is simple: candy—the 70-percent-off chocolate that we can actually afford as starving students and cram into our mouths just in time for midterms. The sugar rush of discounted candy that never got to fulfil its destiny of being eaten off a lover’s body—that is the meaning of Valentine’s Day.