Open Space: The failure of feminism

If there is one harsh lesson I have learned in life, it’s that anger begets more anger. I have been violated. By men. But I am not angry with all men. I am angry with very specific men. I could be bitter, and perhaps I once was, until I stumbled upon a simple quote: “bitter or better.” And in that moment, I realized I had a choice. About everything. We all do.

I’ve spent a great deal of time thinking about the feminist movement and why as a cisgender woman I am anti-feminist. I think feminism is inherently flawed and it has failed. It has morphed into something ugly. It is far removed from its roots, which were concerned with the advancement of women’s rights, and has moved to a place that seems obsessed with the annihilation of the opposite gender. Feminism has failed because women’s rights still need to be fought for, and it has failed because negative attitudes about women still permeate our society. Even common, everyday language still pegs men as stronger and woman as weaker, with phrases like “right-hand man” or “wingman”—and, still, one of the most insulting things you can call a man is a “woman.”

The issue is not that women are seen as unequal to men, but rather that they are not seen as equally valuable. “Equal” means “the same,” but men and women are the not the same. They are different, and those differences should be celebrated. 

I cannot speak to the nature of men of generations past, but what I can say is that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and that previously held beliefs about women were not so much rooted in malice as in simple ignorance. I will not hold men solely accountable for the status of women today. There is ample evidence that many more men than not support women’s rights initiatives. And it is not only men who hold onto flawed beliefs about the genders.

It is time that we women start being honest with ourselves. We can no longer afford to be arrogant under the guise of ignorance. We have to examine how it is not just men and men alone who victimize and oppress us. We can’t turn a blind eye to the crimes our fellow women commit nor demand softer penalties on the grounds of their gender. We have to admit that we objectify and hurt ourselves, and each other, and we also hurt our men. And we have to accept that we do not own suffering, because our men can and do suffer too. 

It’s time to bury the hatchet and welcome our men to the discussion table. Because women’s rights are not a women’s issue; they are a human rights issue. All gender issues are. 

It’s time we embrace our humanity, and theirs. We women owe it to ourselves, to men, and to society to come and work together. It’s only through our unification that we can hope to put an end to these ugly human-rights issues. There’s something very empowering about taking responsibility for our own lives. It’s scary, and it requires a great deal of resolve and introspection. But in the end, it is the most liberating path.