In an era where we’re obsessed with smartphones, online dating has become increasingly popular. This, combined with our generation’s need for instant gratification and sexual freedom, has created a phenomenon of men sending dick pics—“peacocking,” if you will—to women they meet online.
The first time I received one of these photos, I had just signed up for a dating site. (My best friend was convinced that being a sexual recluse was not a good look for me.) I was a good Catholic girl, so imagine my shock when I opened the message to see a photograph of a random man’s genitals. I was enraged, horrified, and a little concerned for my soul.
When I discussed this with my friend, she said dick pics were landmines in the combat zone of online dating.
A few years—and more unwelcome phallic photographs than I’d like to remember—later, I accepted this truth. For whatever reason, men like to send dick pics. I tried to wrap my mind around this. Maybe because men are such visual creatures, they think if they send us theirs, we’ll send them ours? A little tit for tat? Maybe they think we’ll weep with joy at the beauty of what we’re seeing?
Let me set the record straight: firstly, breasts are not currency. A guy doesn’t get them as payment for sending a picture of his unkempt man bush. Secondly, while I can appreciate the majesty of its function, the penis is not an aesthetically pleasing appendage.
I don’t pretend to speak for womankind; however, in my experience, if a man sends a dick pic, he’s more likely to be judged over brunch by a group of girlfriends than to acquire a girlfriend of his own. We sit around, facepalming, cringing, and hypothesizing about what possesses someone to send a nude photo to a stranger. The best theory we have is that it’s like when a housecat brings home a dismembered bird: Look, human, I have a present for you…. Why are you screaming?
I’m screaming because when a man thrusts himself on me—even virtually—he takes away my sexual power.
A few months ago, I saw a glimmer of relief for my retinas when a brave group of ladies called out Harvey Weinstein. Finally, men were being held accountable for their actions and being woken to the concept of consent.
So, how am I still getting dick pics?
I recently got into an argument with an online offender about this. His first interaction with me was a single word, “Hey,” a winky emoji, and a photo of his genitals. I ranted and reported him in return. He called me a prude. Maybe I am—Catholic scars (even fallen ones) run deep; however, I’m so much more than that. I’m a stranger who has not granted him clemency from the sexual harassment whistle simply because we matched on some website.
As I explained to him, unsolicited pictures of your genitals are no different than exposing yourself on the bus. If I did not ask to see it, flashing me is sexual harassment. It’s not funny, or cute, or sexy.
Maybe my opinion makes me a prude, but I take solace in the fact that I’m not alone. I also take solace in the changing tide. Hopefully, by the time my kids are online dating, they won’t be subject to dick pics and the mental images they leave behind. In the meantime, menfolk, the next time you’re urged to send photos of your penis, try sending a puppy instead. I can almost guarantee you’ll get a better response.