Tips on how to make friends in a new city
The first few months at a new school or in a new town can leave a student feeling stranded, alone, and miles from their comfort zone. But this awkward and uncomfortable experience can be avoided—here are a few tips to help create and expand a new social network with ease.
26-year-old Carol-Lynne Michaels is eager to share her advice on social success. After working in Montreal for two-and-a-half months last summer, Michaels returned to her Vancouver home and decided she needed a change. She packed up her things and moved to Victoria.
Michaels, who currently resides at Ocean Island Inn, works for Public Outreach and does some nannying while she awaits the start of her program at Camosun this fall.
Michaels has a lot of experience moving around, meeting new people, and developing friendships. She says it’s all about the local papers.
“Every city has a paper that lists community things, photography groups, or local bands,” says Michaels. “If it’s something you like, the people there are probably people you’ll like.”
When in Montreal, Michaels perused the newspapers to see what bands were playing, got a bike to make everything accessible, and toured around to all sorts of festivals, markets, and shows.
“Being able to hang out in public by yourself is a big step,” says Michaels.
A big, but necessary step. At times, Michaels would go to pubs by herself just to talk to strangers. Staying open-minded, asking questions, and having good eye contact are very important when meeting new people, according to Michaels.
“What’s the worst that can happen if you’re outgoing and positive?” says Michaels.
Keep your eyes open for people who look interesting or who are doing things that you like, and then just ask to join them; that’s a simple and effective way to start friendships. People are welcoming and usually won’t deny the company, but if they do, you can just chuckle at their closed-mindedness, says Michaels.
And for the shy, less outgoing people in search of new friends, Michaels suggests taking baby steps.
Work is a great place to start; find out what your co-workers are doing and go to things. Ask them questions, throw in that one line that pulls the conversation a little bit longer, and you’ll find out more about them.
People generally want someone to listen; all you have to do is ask and eventually you’ll develop camaraderie, says Michaels.
“Anyone can make friends. You just have to get your fingers in a lot of things, get behind stuff, and be persistent,” says Michaels.
But not all students are comfortable being so forward all the time.
“I’m on more of the shyer side,” says Teresa Toews, a UBC grad who currently lives in Vancouver.
Toews recently spent time in New York where she subletted an apartment and gracefully became a part of the local life. She now has plans to return to New York to start a community space with a friend.
Toews may be shy, but she has developed some friend-making strategies that work.
“Craigslist is my best friend; I use it for everything,” says Toews.
The popular website is a good way to break down social barriers and arrange your outings beforehand.
By scanning the site’s “strictly platonic” section, Toews met a lot of interesting people, made solid connections, and developed lasting friendships for when she returns to New York.
Aside from scanning the site, Toews also recommends being well equipped with props.
“Engage people, and if there’s something to do it’s less awkward,” says Toews, referring to the Scrabble kit she often carries around in her purse.
If someone is sitting nearby in a café, Toews will lean over after a while and say, “Hey, let’s play.”
If you keep your head up, have good eye contact, and are aware of your surroundings, people are more likely to approach you, says Toews.
So, spending too much time on the cell phone or listening to the iPod won’t help anyone make any friends. And Facebook isn’t a huge friend-maker, either.
“Facebook can be great to keep in touch with old friends, but it’s not so good for integrating the new,” says Toews.
Toews also recommends becoming a regular somewhere. When you see people repeatedly, just the mere facial recognition can start the simplest of friendships.
It starts with a smile, a hello, and can progress to whatever depth you want to take it.
“See everything as an opportunity, and don’t limit yourself” says Michaels.
Starting a life somewhere new doesn’t have to be scary.
Think of it as an opportunity to explore yourself, as well as the new surroundings.
CCSS Nexus promo